Labor Day: 30 Years of Not-Quite-Wisdom

Posted by:
Date: Monday, September 3rd, 2007, 09:03
Category: Opinion

Welcome to Labor Day, 2007, here on the PowerPage.
The puppy in the picture has nothing to do with the iPhone.
With the rest of the country going through a national holiday, we’ve decided to do the same and queue up stories for tomorrow. Or at least use the opportunity to form a crude shanty town around our local Apple Store locations in anticipation of whatever they release by way of the new iPods at the special event slated to occur this week.
My 30th birthday was four days ago and, looking back at things, this was definitely one of the best ones I’ve ever had. Granted, I think I fit somewhere in the genus “Geezer” at the moment, but I’m calling it awesome on the whole. Between friends, family, assorted geekery and a cake that can become breakfast for a week (when you’re over 18, this is allowed) and a Clocky robotic alarm clock that flees from you via its wheels when you go to hit the snooze bar a second time, I’m calling myself ahead for the moment.
Here’s what I’ve learned in 30 years (there’ll be news galore tomorrow):
-The PowerBook 5300 series was a cruel, cruel joke and any remaining units should be hurled into the sea or the molten core of Mount Doom at the first available opportunity.
-When smoke rises from a SyQuest EZ135 drive you’ve hooked into a laptop running Windows 95, you’ve done something wrong.
-The eMac is a boat anchor. Anyone who tries to convince you is lying or already has too many anchors for their boat.
-Friends with OCD make for a strange mix. For this, I’m citing a friend who, in the dead of night, decided to get up and spend two hours reorganizing my living room. Upon waking up and wandering into the room, I found he’d moved my furniture, hooked up an unused speaker system to my tv and sorted my DVDs by title, genre and quality. He’s a good friend, but will one day reorganize and glue my office’s rolling chair to the ceiling to improve the room’s feng shui.
-Richard Dreyfuss probably fulfilled his role in the universe when he volunteered to be shark bait in the first “Jaws” movie.
-If you date a girl who’s willing to spend part of a weekend you to solder points on a circuit board, you’ve earned geek points.
-Jonathan Ive remains the best thing to happen to Apple’s design division. And if Apple needs to give him his own island-nation to keep him on staff, they should do so.
-There’s a good reason to have kids: their toys are going to be even more awesome than anything you grew up with. Never forget this.
-Perhaps the best thing ever:

-The top five arcade games of the 80’s, in no meaningful order: 1.) Dragon’s Lair. 2.) Spy Hunter 3.) Paperboy. 4.) Robocop. 5.) Gauntlet.
The Mighty Boosh and Elephant Larry remain some of the best comedy to come around in a long time.
-The iPhone seems to be running on the “Six Million Dollar Man” and “Bionic Woman” development cycle. Give it time, training and enough interest from the development community and they will make it the coolest thing ever. On the day the iPhone becomes truly mighty, it will get its own Steve Austin-esque track suit.