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Pamela Anderson, the sultry star of print and video, is now the first celebrity to invade handheld computers. PortaPam is the official virtual version of the world famous actress that lives, eats and breathes on your Palm or Handspring PDA, and it’s up to you to manage her career and daily routines. Now if that was only true for you and the one you love, you would be a bigtime jerk, however this virtual, so pimp out.

PortaPam

How it works:

The official virtual version of world-famous actress, PAMELA ANDERSON! She lives, eats, and breathes on your Palm or Handspring computer, and it’s up to you to manage her career and daily routines. Care for her right and watch her popularity and career soar! THE BUTTONS

SMOOTHIE: A great low-fat snack for breakfast or after a workout.

PIZZA: A slice a day keeps the hunger away. Don’t give her too much or the weight will skyrocket and the tabloids will find out!

FIST: Use this to fight off the pesky tabloid photographer and watch Pam kick some ass!

ARROWS: Press to access more buttons.

DUMBELL: Sends Pam to the gym for a hot and sweaty workout to shed those unwanted pounds! Watch her lift weights and do jumping jacks!

CELL PHONE: If Pam’s career is suffering, call her agent for a gig! Make sure you pick the right role or the things will only get worse!

GIFT: Give Pam one of several gifts to keep her happy and stress low. Make sure you pick the right one!

THE STATS SCREEN

You can monitor Pam’s career, popularity, stress levels, and weight by selecting ‘Stats’ from the pulldown menu. Her stats are effected by how well you take care of Pam, including feeding her, going to the gym, getting her gifts, and finding juicy roles to play.

POPULARITY: Pam is a celebrity, so of course she’s popular, but keep her working and in shape to keep it that way!

WEIGHT: Easily affected by Pam’s diet and exercise regime. Make sure she gets to the gym and doesn’t eat too much pizza, but also make sure she doesn’t become skeletal!

STRESS: It’s tough being Pam, and the daily stress can build up quickly. A quick trip to the gym or a nice gift should help relax her. Just make sure it’s the RIGHT gift.

HUNGER: Be sure to give Pam a healthy smoothie or a warm slice of pizza to keep her from starving.

CAREER: A List? B List? Not on the list? All depends on what roles you choose when you call the agent for a gig. Choose wisely!

TALK TO PAM

Select ‘Say’ from the pulldown menu to send Pam one of several pre-selected messages and see how she replies!

PREFERENCES MENU

Select ‘Preferences’ from the pulldown menu to turn off Pam’s sounds and to shut off the MonsterMart exit screen.

PortaPam FAQ

How do I install PortaPam on my Palm?

1. Download the ‘portapam.zip’ or ‘portapamh.sit’ file and decompress it. Stuffit Expander, AOL, or other file decompression tools will do this easily. A new file called ‘portapam.PRC’ will be placed in the location you’ve chosen to save it to.

2. On some computers, you can double-click the PRC file to automatically launch the Palm Software Installer. If this doesn’t work, you need to find the ‘Install Handheld Software’ option in your Palm Desktop software and select it.

3. Drag the portapam.prc file into the install window to prepare it for installation. Once it’s set, simply HotSync your Palm and PortaPam will be installed automatically. What’s the goal of PortaPam? PortaPam lets everyone share in the excitement of being a celebrity. It’s up to you to manage a successful career, keep your bod in shape, avoid those annoying tabloid photographers, and hopefully win the coveted Oskar! Let’s see if YOU can handle being a star! How often should I feed Pam? Feed Pam at least once a day to keep her healthy and fit, but make sure it’s a careful balance of smoothies and pizza to be safe. What’s Pam saying to me? Lots of things. It depends on her mood and how you’re interacting with her, or even if you’re NOT interacting with her. She’s quite the chatterbox. Pam is just sitting on a stool and looks bored, why? Because she IS bored. Sounds like you’re not paying enough attention to her. Why doesn’t Pam like the fur coat? Because it was made from cute and furry dead animals who suffered horribly to make a tacky looking piece of clothing. How many locations are there? Lots. Pam is a busy woman and can be found at various places throughout the day. At any point you might find her in the bedroom, in the shower, at the gym, at the beach, in the city, at a club, or any number of other places. So keep a close eye on her! Why should I beat up the photographer? Because if you don’t, a nasty headline about you could appear and your popularity will plummet. Can I beam Pam to a friend? Absolutely. Pam loves getting beamed. You can beam her to anyone with a Palm or Visor handheld computer that is running at least Palm OS 3.0. So get moving! Where can I get more PortaPets? http://www.portapets.com Where can I see more of Pam? http://www.pamtv.com

By Jason O'Grady

Founded the PowerPage in 1995.