Reader Mail: The Night Before Christmas

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Date: Monday, February 1st, 1999, 00:00
Category: Archive

This one is simply too good to pass up!

December 27, 2000 ------------------------ From: Allan PorterThe Night Before ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring? not even my mouse.The Hard Disks were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St Nicholas would soon bring SoftwareThe children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in there heads;And Mama in her Handbook and PowerBook on my lap Had just settled our brains for a long winter?s nap,When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.Away to the window I flew like a bee Tore open the program and changed the CDThe moon on the screen and the new fallen snow Gave the touch of the keyboard all the information to knowWhen, what to my wondering eyes should I want But a miniature suitcase and eight fontsWith my little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.More rapid than Pentium his cursers they came, And whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:?Now Bodoni! now Caslon! now,Century and Futura On, Univers! on, Goudy! on,Times and Helvetica!To the top of the desk top! to the selection of all Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!?As Word 6.0 that arose the text sure did fly, When they meet with XPress and mount to the sky,So up to the menu the cursers they flew, With the sleigh full of programs and St Nicholas, too.And then, in a twinkling, I heard a reminder The prancing and pawing in search of the finder.As I put in my back up and was turning around, Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his modems were all covered with ashes and soot;A bundle of Upgrades he had flung on his back, And he looked like a dealer just opening his pack.His eyes how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, With Photoshop & Illustrator was as white as the snow;The scan of the pipe on the Power PC beneath And the smoke encircled his monitor like a wreath:He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;And laying his finger aside of his nose, And touching his Newton up the chimney he rose;He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, ?Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night?Now I am not sure, all this was a causality Since my CPU bombed after this virtual realityWith my apology to Clement Moore who wrote the original in 1823 without a CPUAllan Porter

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