The Rant: Because acoustic travesties are amazing

Posted by:
Date: Thursday, March 17th, 2011, 04:37
Category: Opinion

Over the past few days, friends have sent this along to both my Facebook and e-mail accounts, the messages expressing a certain disbelief that something this bad exists, much less that it just cracked the top 100 songs on the iTunes Music Store.

So under the rationale that this has caused me pain and torment and frustration with how bad it is, allow me to follow the PowerPage work ethic of passing the torment along to you:



Stepping back a bit, this is either a valid song or a viral-but-successful farce or both, but even so, I have to sympathize on some levels. Perhaps there is an actual musical effort being put forth here, an actual aspiring singer attempting to create a work, but it’s so heavily autotuned and overwrought with editing that this comes off as a modern day version of The Shaggs, wherein the effort attempts to soar and crashes directly into the mountainside with a resounding thud.

More specifically, here are the issues at hand with the video:
- The audio sounds autotuned to the point wherein the singer sounds like a mix of a GPS voice and Frances McDormand’s character from “Fargo”.

- There is, for some reason, a rap sequence in which an unknown rapper in his 30s or 40s is talking about not only enjoying the weekend for what it is, but apparently the joy of hanging out with the underage singer. And if this isn’t sort of creepy, then nothing is.

- Beyond the brain-damaging lyrics and amazingly saccharine content of the video, there seems to be the thought that the gloss/visual appeal of the video itself will save the day. This only compounds the train wreck as it unfolds in front of you, the train apparently having hopped the rails and now barreling towards the nitroglycerine plant, the old folks’ home and the petting zoo before tumbling off a cliff at the end of its path.

So what does this have to do with your Mac or iOS device outside of the fact that this song is available on the iTunes Store? Not a lot, but given that it’s become easier than ever to edit audio and video on your computer, there also comes the need to sit back and look over what you’re doing, especially prior to publishing it out on YouTube as an official video. And for Rebecca Black herself, who may or may not at this moment be wrangled by a team of ambitious parents, managers and public relations wonks, one has to hope that there’s an actual voice at the bottom of the pile of autotuning, especially if this is the very beginning of a career in music…

Thanks for listening to the rant and there’s free coffee and doughnuts in the corner.

Recent Posts